I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize