party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
