Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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