If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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