remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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