Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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