If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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