i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
