i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
