If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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