Are we in a gay sports bar?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
