Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
