she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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