he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
