Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
