I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
