you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
