If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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