I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
