I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
