i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
