How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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