You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
