Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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