I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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