That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
