Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
did you just send me my own nude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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