Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
