I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
