Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Vodka?
Forever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
