Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
