WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
