So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
