pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
