I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
