I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
