Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win