: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
COCAINE IS GR8
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