I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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