i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
