Pappa wants mamma naked
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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