Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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