Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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