trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
