I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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