We won't sleep together?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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