ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
