Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
