i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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