please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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