Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
