ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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