It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
