im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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