Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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