i just had sex bonerless
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
