Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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